Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
