yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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