Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
