why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
