He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
