Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
