I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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