I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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