i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
