words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
