watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
