I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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