My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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