Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
