: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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