News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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