We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize