having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh god it's open bar.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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