i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
