I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
