She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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