I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
