There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
