happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
