i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
