you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
