So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
