i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
