I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
