garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
