just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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