How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
