my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
