yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
