Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He felt like a one man threesome
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
