Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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