Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
