my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
