Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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