just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
