So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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