We named our party play list daddy issues
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
