Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
