so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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