Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
