so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
