3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
