You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
