rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
