Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
