u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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