You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
