Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
