Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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