I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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