so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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