I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
