SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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