I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
