Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
