Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
