Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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