R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
