After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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