Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
