Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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