Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
