Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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