he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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