I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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