I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
