it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
