It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
