So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
