That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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