Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
