i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
