phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
