forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
