i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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