wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
