I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize